Chocolate Motherload Cake and Cheetos

Folks, I warn you now. This isn't gonna be pretty.

I don't normally eat breakfast. I'm usually just not that hungry in the morning and by the time I do get hungry, I'm stuck at the shop. So my first, and only, meal of the day is usually dinner at 9:00 pm. Every now and then I will get so hungry during the day that I will put a "Back In 5 Minutes" sign in the door and run across the way for some pizza at Pizza Schmizza or downstairs for a Ruby Melt at Ruby's but that get's really expensive really fast so usually, I just don't eat.

Friday night after work, I decided I would stop by the market and get some food to keep at the store so that I could eat when I got hungry. Now, I could have gotten some apples, pears or some other fresh fruit which would be a good for me snack. Or I could go the fresh veggies route and get some carrots or celery with a little ranch dressing. That wouldn't be to bad. Or maybe something a little more substantial? I could get a loaf of bread and some peanut butter and jelly.

What did I get?

A 9 oz. bag of Cheetos.

Cause I was really craving some Cheetos at that moment and I thought, "That will be fine. I'll snack on a few Cheetos when I get hungry though out the week. A handful of Cheetos a day isn't terrible for me." And so I got a large bag of Cheetos. (Besides, who can resist Chester Cheetah? He's easily the coolest corporate logo created in the last 20 years!)

So, Saturday comes and I'm at the shop when I start to get hungry. I look at the bag of Cheetos and realize I'm really craving chocolate cake. Well folks, lucky for me there is a Claim Jumper restaurant right here at Redmond Town Center! And damned if they don't have chocolate cake there! So I throw the "Back In 5 Minutes" sign up in the door and run over and buy me a $10 slice o' chocolate cake! For those of you who have never been to Claim Jumper, here is said cake: Yes, you are counting right. That is six layers. To quote the Claim Jumper menu:

Chocolate Motherlode Cake
Super Moist Slice of our Six-Layer Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Chips, Fresh Walnuts and Chocolate Fudge Frosting 9.95

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Chocolate cake. *drool*

Sorry. So I get my six layer, chocolate fudge frosted, artery killing monster cake and proceed to eat it. I get about half way through it when I start thinking, "You know, this is a lot of sugar. I'm kinda craving something salty now." Well I am damn lucky that I have a bag of Cheetos sitting right here! So I crack open that bag of cheesy yumminess and mow though about half the bag before my brain says these exact words, "You know, that's a lot of salty deliciousness you've just had on top of all that chocolate mana from heaven you've consumed. Don't you think you should stop now and give it a rest?" To which my stomach said, "Shut the fuck up bitch!"

I then proceed to finish the cake and bag of Cheetos and top it all off with a 24 oz. can of Jolt Cola. (I told you this wasn't gonna be pretty.)

And now for the sad part. Just before I started writing this I caught myself thinking, "Man, I'd really like some chocolate cake."

SOMEBODY STOP ME BEFORE I EAT AGAIN!