I'm a bad geek and an even worse person.

Let's get a few facts out there before we continue. I haven't watched Battlestar Galactica or Lost since their first seasons. I haven't seen the new Indiana Jones movie nor do I have any intention of doing so. I do not care about the next installments of GTA, HALO, Mario or, for that matter, any video game. Indeed, I scarcely play video games at all. (Not unless it requires me plugging in a fake guitar or drum set)

I think The Transformers, GI Joe and Thundercats are lame and I think that computer animation is overrated.

Joss Weadon is NOT the greatest thing to happen to Sci Fi/Fantasy in 20 years and Firefly was canceled because it was A BAD SHOW!

And if one more person tells me I don't like Family Guy cause I don't "get it", I'm going to slap them back to tomorrow! WHAT THE FUCK IS TO "GET"? I don't like Family Guy cause it's a poorly animated, badly written, atrociously voice-acted bloody stool sample of a show!!! Not because it's written so well that the jokes go over my head!

*ahem*

Sorry. Started going on a bit of a rant there. Anyway. All of that is to say that while I may not watch certain pop culture things or even like certain pop culture things, it doesn't mean that I'm not knowledgeable about them. Just because I haven't watched Lost for the past two years doesn't mean I don't know what's going on in the show. Just because I think Family Guy is crap doesn't mean I don't know who the characters are. Well, for the most part. I like to think that my geek level is as high or higher than most.

But apparently, I'm not enough of a geek for one consumer. This is a conversation from just a few hours ago. The guy I'm talking to is at least 30, has a severe lisp, is at least 250 pounds overweight, walking with a walking stick and has his mother with him. I have tried to preserve the conversation as verbatim as possible.

Me: Hi. What can I help you with?
Him: I highly doubt that YOU will be able to help me with anything but I shall ask anyway in the event that the stars have, indeed, aligned today. Do you have any copies of the issue wherein Captain Marvel is fighting his arch foe?
Me: *pause* Uhm... (Trying very hard not to laugh) Are we talking about the Marvel Comics Captain Marvel or...
Him: No! No, no. No. If I was speaking of the Marvel Comics Captain Marvel I would have asked for Captain Mar-Vell. That is why I asked if you had any issues with Captain "Marvel". Marvel. Not Mar Vel. Surely I do not have to....
Me: (On the verge of laughter) So, you're interested in Shazam?
Him: NO! If I were interested in "Shazam" as you so stupidly put it then I would have asked for Shazam! It is precisely as I feared, you are another comic shop that only pretends to be knowledgeable about comics but you are not! You are a comic book charlatan!
At this point I burst out laughing so hard that I can't breath. Tears are streaming down my face. I am trying very hard to apologize for my behavior but I'm just waving like a madman.
Him: Come mother! This is no place for us!

And with that, he storms out of the store. His mother follows and shoots me a look, well, if looks could kill, I'd be a dead man now. As she leaves she says the only thing I heard her say while in the store, "You,... STUPID!"

And the best part, the store is full of people. I mean, like 10 or so people! And ever single one of them is laughing. Jesus, I'm laugh as I write this and it's been almost 3 hours! I know I shouldn't laugh at the guy but man, he was SO over the top! And the sad thing was that he was so very earnest. Goddamn, I love people!

People are AWESOME!

I love people. No, I really do. Quit laughing.

I just had an experience with a guy that I now dub "Punisher Guy". Punisher Guy came into the shop a few weeks ago, gushing about how great it was to have a comic shop in Redmond, how cool we are and how he would be such an amazing and loyal customer. Then he looks at me and asks, "So, where is all the cool Punisher stuff?"

Suppressing the urge to tell him there is no such thing, I tell him that we have trade paperbacks that feature the Punisher and there are currently two, count'em, TWO monthly Punisher books being produced. He says he knows about those, he's looking for the "cool Punisher stuff."

Now, let me give you a visual on, as I like to call him since about 2 seconds ago, P.G. He looks to be in his late 30's, about 5' 7" and he's gotta be pushing 275 around his donut storage unit. He's rocking the braided goatee with a mohawk look and he's in full utilikilt mode. Do I even have to say it? Of course he's wearing a Punisher skull t-shirt! Think Comic Book Guy meets Travis Bickel

I swear to God, my first thought is that P.G.'s idea of "cool Punisher stuff" is an unregistered hand gun with the serial numbers rubbed off and the first thing he's gonna do with his "cool Punisher stuff" is blow my ass away for pedaling comic book smut.

Anyway, I tell him I only have the comics at the moment and he mumbles something about how I need to get more Punisher stuff in the shop. He looks around for a little while and finally begins to make his way back up front when suddenly thiscatches P.G.'s attention.

"What is this," he asks. He says it in such a way that I can't quite tell if he's awestruck by the greatness of it or he's in such terror that he's going into shock.

"That's a Punisher Bearz. I forgot I had that cause they just came in."

"This is... just..."

Awesome? Cool? Something you need to have? Exactly what you meant when you said "cool Punisher stuff"?

"Just... WRONG. No way! There is no way that they should have this out there. This is an insult to the character. It's wrong!!"

An insult to the character? Is that really what I just heard? Uh oh.

"I mean, really, you shouldn't even have this. This is NOT ok. This in NOT The Punisher!!!"

My first instinct is to say, "Well, if you bought it, you could then throw it away. Thus ridding the world of it's wrongness." Thankfully, I think better of it and come up with this gem, "Well, Marvel licensing must not have had a problem with it." Yeah, that's SO much better.

"What the fuck does Marvel licensing know? They don't care about the character! They only care about money. The Punisher would kill those guys for being greedy corporate bastards! Seriously. This bear thing shouldn't be shown to anybody." And with that, P.G. sets the Punisher Bearz down and walks out of the shop, never to be seen again.

At least, not till today.

P.G. walks in wearing pretty much the same outfit he had on last time except this time he's sporting a t-shirt with the cover to Amazing Spider-Man #129. Since the last time P.G. was in, I had moved the offending Bearz line to a different spot in the store so when he came in he didn't see the Bearz. In it's place were the Marvel Heroes Mighty Muggs, seen here:

"Dude! These are so...."

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

"Awesome! They better make a Punisher one!"

I'll say it again, I love people.

Just one more reason that Isabella Rossellini is cooler than you'll ever be!

Isabella Rossellini dresses up as various insects and has sex. (Honestly, it's ok for the kids to watch) Click here.

Two Face spoiler picture

Wow.

Why So Similar?

My friend DarthJer turned me onto this. Somebody has put the trailer for the 1989 Batman movie next to The Dark Knight trailer and the results are pretty amazing. See for yourself.

Why So Similar?